We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
