Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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