Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
