Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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