bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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