I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
