Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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