We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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