Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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