oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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