He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
