I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
