I like my sex mixed with concussions.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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