i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
