Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
