I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
