There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
