He disabled his match.com account in front of me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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