Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
