Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
