im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
