Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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