I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
