i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
