You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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