So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
