do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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