Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
