i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
