There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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