I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My life is pants optional.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
