why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize