Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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