You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My cat gives me a boner
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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