Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
