I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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