Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize