oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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