oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
