Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
