one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
