i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
