toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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