So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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