I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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