Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
