I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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