I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
