What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
