My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
