I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
