I'm going to jail i love you
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
