guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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