last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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