he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
