DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
