That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
