so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
