Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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