woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
