She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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