Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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