Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
