dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
