I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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