I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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