Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
