On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
