Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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