Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
