Christians are straight up FREAKS
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
