i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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