I wish I only lived at night.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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