Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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